but if you miss me.

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Hi Dr. Ellis, it's Chris Harmon
I know that, um, I know it's been
Going on two years since I first came in to see you
Uh, a lot of things have happened since then, um
I thought after our first session
After we identified that anxiety was the root cause of things that I was dealing with
I thought I'd have a better grasp of handling things on my own
But, with the way things have been going lately
I realize that I don't know what I'm doing whatsoever
And I just really need somebody to talk to
And someone to help me work through this

So, if you're still taking clients or if you have any spots available
For appointments, please give me a call back
At the number you've got for me on file already

Uh, just let me know
Thank you, bye

My horizons turn pink as my eyelids close tighter
The ocean in front of me bathing me in bass frequencies
I found myself on our favorite beach
Sitting under the bridge, my toes in the sand
Snacking on red hots and chili peppers
'Till my breath smells like californication
I whisper goodbye to my angels until the sunset sleeps
It starts to snow, and that's how I know
That I'm with you
But now we drift apart
Isolated among the bubblegum waves, drowning
Playing hide and seek, trying to find what I want
It feels like it's been a century of being on my own
As I run away for the third time, communicating with the 36 angels
About why I feel lost
Watching my heart turn purple as the sun sets
Becoming nighttime, yet again

You're still nowhere to be found
I guess you're fine now
But if you miss me
Run into my arms and let the casts on them hold you in place
And look through your hazy reflection
Beyond your insecurities and fears
And see that your windows have a great view
While my mirror has views that I don't even agree with
Hold my soul in your hands
And use your soul as the scalpel to my sensitive heart
And shed no tears for me as I float away
Lifeless, in a small box containing nothing but memories
Some regrets, some accolades
And many more questions
Such as why did I walk away from religion
And replace its position with some stranger addictions
Like making music that no one listens to
Or giving my all to those who can't reciprocate
And staying in the hopes of a more positive outcome
Until, just like the fireworks at the end of the 4th of July
The excitement fades, and all that's left is smoke
The smell of gunpowder
And the memories of a more exciting time

So this is goodbye

But if you miss me
Remember the times in which I told you
That I don't want to lease your love
And so I asked you to let me pay it in full
And you said that in and of itself was the problem
I later learned that I'm the solution to my problems
But the problem is my solutions

So I guess I'll play the fool
Since you pretend to know it all
And as my badge fades, it's like I pass away
Cuz I've amassed your hate behind this masquerade
It took me far too long to figure it out
To realize that we make broken records to say how we feel
And then become the broken records once we sell out on deals
Or sell out on love, emotion, or any other vice that simply covers the bullet hole left behind
By the ones we thought could fix us
Put the pieces back together
And let the needle run once more
To play a beautiful symphony of emotion and content
But instead leaves us shattered
Only left to play the skipping, distorted rhythms of
The realization that what made you stay was simply
The obsessive fantasizing of what you felt could've been
Instead of the realization of what unfortunately was

So I will say again
I wanted the best, but learned only the worst was left at the end
But if you miss me
Use my memory as motivation
As I'll use yours for the same
But don't you dare call me selfish
Because I gave my all to you
Until I had nothing left
Nothing but a husk of what could have been

But if you miss me
Live love and keep trying
Try live and keep loving
Love try and keep living

Tell me how you got lost
And tell me how I can help you