The Worst Pies In London

Mrs. Lovett:
A customer!
Wait! What′s yer rush? What's yer hurry?
You gave me such a--
Fright. I thought you was a ghost.

Half a minute, can′tcher?
Sit! Sit ye down!
Sit!
All I meant is that I
Haven't seen a customer for weeks.
Did you come here for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if my head's a little vague--
Ugh!
What is that?
But you′d think we had the plague--
From the way that people--
Keep avoiding--
No you don′t!
Heaven knows I try, sir!
But there's no one comes in even to inhale--
Right you are, sir. would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can′t hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in London,
I know why nobody cares to take them--
I should know,
I make them.
But good? No,
The worst pies in London--
Even that's polite.
The worst pies in London--
If you doubt it take a bite.

Ugh!

Mrs. Lovett:
Is that just, disgusting?
You have to concede it.
It′s nothing but crusting--
Here drink this, you'll need it--
The worst pies in London--

And no wonder with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it.
Never thought I′d live to see the day men'd think it was a treat
Finding poor
Animals
Wot are dying in the street.

Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop,
Does a business, but I notice something weird--
Lately, all her neighbors' cats have disappeared.
Have to hand it to her--
Wot I calls
Enterprise,
Popping pussies into pies.
Wouldn′t do in my shop--
Just the thought of it′s enough to make you sick.
And I'm telling you them pussy cats is quick.

No denying times is hard, sir--
Even harder than
The worst pies in London.
Only lard and nothing more--
Is that just revolting?
All greasy and gritty,
It looks like it′s molting,
And tastes like--
Well, pity
A woman alone
With limited wind
And the worst pies in London!

Ah sir,
Times is hard. Times is hard.

Isn't that a room up there over the shop? If times are
So hard, why don′t you rent it out? That should bring
In something.

Mrs. Lovett:
Up there? Oh, no one will go near it. People think
It's haunted. You see, years ago, something happened
Up there. Something not very nice.