Текст песни The Smoke Off - Shel Silverstein
In
the
laid
back
California
town
of
sunny
San
Raphael
Lived
a
girl
named
Pearly
Sweetcake
you
probably
knew
her
well
She'd
been
stoned
fifteen
of
her
eighteen
years
and
the
story
was
widely
told
That
she
could
smoke
'em
faster
than
anyone
could
roll
Her
legend
finally
reached
New
York
that
Grove
Street
walk-up
flat
Where
dwelt
The
Calistoga
Kid
a
beatnik
from
the
past
With
long
browned
lightnin'
fingers
he
takes
a
cultured
toke
And
says
"Hell
I
can
roll
'em
faster,
Jim,
than
any
chick
can
smoke"
So
a
note
gets
sent
to
San
Raphael
for
the
Championship
of
the
World
The
Kid
demands
a
smoke
off
"Well
bring
him
on!
says
Pearl
"I'll
grind
his
fingers
off
his
hands
he'll
roll
until
he
drops"
Says
Calistog
"I'll
smoke
that
chick
till
she
blows
up
and
pops"
So
they
rent
out
Yankee
Stadium
and
the
word
is
quickly
spread
Come
one
come
all
who
walk
or
crawl
price
just
two
lids
a
head
And
from
every
town
and
hamlet
over
land
and
sea
they
speed
The
world's
greatest
dopers
with
the
Worlds
greatest
weed
Hashishers
from
Morocco,
hemp
smokers
from
Peru
And
the
Shamnicks
from
Bagun
who
puff
the
deadly
Pugaroo
And
those
who
call
it
Light
of
Life
and
those
that
call
it
boo
See
the
dealers
and
their
ladies
wearing
turquoise
lace
and
leather
See
the
narcos
and
the
closet
smokers
puffin
all
together
From
the
teenies
who
smoke
legal
to
the
ones
who've
done
some
time
To
the
old
man
who
smoked
reefer
back
before
it
was
a
crime
And
the
grand
old
house
that
Ruth
built
is
filled
with
the
smoke
and
cries
Of
fifty
thousand
screaming
heads
all
stoned
out
of
their
minds
And
they
play
the
national
anthem
and
the
crowd
lets
out
a
roar
As
the
spotlight
hits
The
Kid
and
Pearl
ready
for
their
smokin'
war
At
a
table
piled
up
high
with
grass
as
high
as
a
mountain
peak
Just
tops
and
buds
of
the
rarest
flowers
not
one
stem
branch
or
seed
Maui
Wowie
Panama
Red
and
Acapulco
Gold
Kif
from
East
Afghanistan
and
rare
Alaskan
Cold
Sticks
from
Thailand
Ganja
from
the
Islands
and
Bangkok's
Bloomin'
Best
And
some
of
that
wet
imported
shit
that
capsized
off
Key
West
Oaxacan
tops
and
Kenya
Bhang
and
Riviera
Fleurs
And
that
rare
Manhatten
Silver
that
grows
down
in
the
New
York
sewers
And
there's
bubblin'
ice
cold
lemonade
and
sweet
grapes
by
the
bunches
And
there's
Hersheys
bars
and
Oreos
incase
anybody
gets
the
munchies
And
the
Calistoga
Kid
he
sneers
and
Pearley
she
just
grins
And
the
drums
roll
low
and
the
crowd
yells
go
and
the
worlds
first
Smoke
Off
begins
Kid
flicks
his
magic
fingers
once
and
zap
that
first
joints
rolled
Pearl
takes
one
drag
with
her
mighty
lungs
and
woosh
that
roach
is
cold
Then
The
Kid
he
rolls
his
Super
Bomb
that'd
paralyze
a
moose
And
Pearly
takes
one
super
hit
and
slurp
that
bomb
defused
Then
he
rolls
three
in
just
ten
seconds
and
she
smokes
'em
up
in
nine
And
everybody
sits
back
and
says
"this
just
might
take
some
time"
See
the
blur
of
flyin
fingers
see
the
red
coal
burnin
bright
As
the
night
turns
into
mornin
and
the
mornin
fades
to
night
And
the
autumn
turns
to
summer
and
a
whole
damn
year
is
gone
But
the
two
still
sit
on
that
roach-filled
stage
smokin'
and
rollin'
on
With
tremblin
hands
he
rolls
his
jays
with
fingers
blue
and
stiff
She
coughs
and
stares
with
bloodshot
gaze
and
puffs
through
blistered
lips
And
as
she
reaches
out
her
hand
for
another
stick
of
gold
The
Kid
he
gasps
"Goddamn
it,
bitch!
there's
nothin'
left
to
roll!"
"Nothin
left
to
roll?!"
screams
Pearl,
"Is
this
some
twisted
joke?
I
didn't
come
here
to
fuck
around
man
I
come
here
to
smoke"
And
she
reaches
cross
the
table
and
grabs
his
bony
sleeves
And
she
crumbles
his
body
between
her
hands
like
dried
and
brittle
leaves
Flickin'
out
his
teeth
and
bones
like
useless
stems
and
seeds
And
then
she
rolls
him
in
a
Zig
Zag
and
lights
him
like
a
roach
And
the
fastest
man
with
the
fastest
hands
goes
up
in
a
puff
of
smoke
In
the
laid-back
California
town
of
sunny
San
Raphael
Lives
a
girl
named
Pearly
Sweetcake
you
probly
know
her
well
She's
been
stoned
twenty-one
of
her
twenty-four
years
and
the
storys
widely
told
How
she
still
can
smoke
'em
faster
than
anyone
can
roll
While
off
in
New
York
City
on
a
street
that
has
no
name
There's
the
hands
of
the
Calistoga
Kid
in
the
Viper
Hall
of
Fame
And
underneath
his
fingers
there's
a
little
golden
scroll
That
says
"Beware
of
Bein'
the
Roller
When
There's
Nothin'
Left
to
Roll"
1 The Father Of A Boy Named Sue
2 Peanut-Butter Sandwich
3 The Cat And Rat
4 Goodnight Little House Plant
5 Show It On The Beach
6 Diet Song
7 Sure Hit Songwriter's Pen
8 The Smoke Off
9 They Held Me Down
10 Scum Of The Earth
11 Never Bite a Married Woman On the Thigh
12 Someone Ate The Baby
13 Paranoid
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