Lyrics Soul Search - Cryptic Wisdom

I've grown up a lot and I'm tryna be
Different, I hope that you noticed it too
I'm not as angry as I used to be when
I started to rap and was broken in two
Nothin' was sweeter to me than ideas
Of bein' more than someone nobody knew
Maybe cause nobody knew what I been through
And it was too hard and I told them the truth
If you knew what I was thinkin' about,
It was harder to suppress all the anger
Yellin' at the microphone was the only
Way I was able to adapt with these changes
I know you wanted to see me portrayed
In a way that I barely could hang with
Tellin' me it's hard to mess with me now
That I'm doin' better and I'm virtually painless
But when I was down in the gutter knew
Everybody that had ever come around me had it like that
I cracked under the white light, define that
Time passed by and I finally got the mind back
Didn't really wanna be the one to do it,
But you knew I was doin' it who are you to give a guy flak
All I know is I ain't done with the flow any moment
I'm goin' to show you what I know and bring it right back
And some of you really believe that
An artist just isn't entitled to change
I think it's just a deflection of your own
Rejection of copin' with life in these ways
But freakier to me,
If people to talk about you with the knives in your face
I always pretend I don't see it cause it's
Even sharper to know there's a knife in your way
Why you gonna piss an elephant off
And I dont wanna swat a fly off
I don't even kill 'em in real life,
But push it and you will see somebody rise
And I know that there's somebody in
Me I don't wanna be and I keep it inside
But still I believe that everybody's got
A limit and no one's immune to their pride
It's gonna get ugly in here!
Everything that I been bottling up is about to ignite
Better here me, yeah!
You will now know that if I'm goin' down then it's down with a fight
For every tongue I ever bite, every lyric that I don't recite
I'm tired of hidin' the way that I feel to
Make somebody feel as if they wanna like me
I ain't about that life!
Look in my eyes, I've had an epiphany
Memory playin' to me like a symphony
Tappin' into it, I remember vividly
What I was doin' it for
It is for me
It is therapeutic listening
I ain't listening to anybody but me,
When I write I'm gonna write my history, come on!
I don't believe in what anybody wanna tell me
That they never been into me and I really hate lies
Maybe I'm cynical,
I get minimal intervals with another human being every day of my life
I don't wanna be nice, and I don't wanna be a buddy-buddy at a price
All I wanna do is celebrate it when I rise
And give anybody I love a really good life
It's funny I dropped out of school,
Wouldn't you know it I thought I was cool
But if I'm bein honest,
I blame it on my inability for me to follow the rules
Didn't do it so I could be told what
To do in my music and coddle you fools
I won't pretend to be anyone other
Than me anymore, I don't wanna be used
And that's probably not what you wanted to hear
Don't follow me, I'm no role model, that's clear
I got them issues
I'm tryna accept that
I don't wanna befriend you if you aren't able to get that
I'm on a mission to soul search
I am aware that the globe hurts
I don't know where I'ma find me,
But when I do I'ma prob'ly have no words
I don't believe I have no purpose
Diggin' it up in the cold earth
I was preheated with spraud
I'm livin' in pain, and later my flow birth from go first