Lyrics goodbye - Heylog

Almost 5 a.m., I find it harder to sleep
I crack the window and I hear every animal sing
With a wind blowing soft, rustling through the leaves
Admire nature as it comes alive from winter to spring
The flowers grow so tall that they start to bloom
And I just took a couple out 'cause I picked them for you
Hoping one day you'll travel here to see what's new
'Cause this bouquet is gonna die if you don't visit me soon

And I have a difficult time
Spending days when you're on my mind
Wish this would just go away
'Cause I'm trying to push you away

Why do I feel lonely
Knowing I hurt to see
An outcast no one wants to be
And giggled at and always being teased?

Can someone give a valid reason on why I shouldn't die?
In disbelief that I will never see a point in life
I'm on and off of feeling bad and for a second I'm fine
It's so messed up and I don't think that I will ever resign
I'm so bipolar and I don't want you to see me like this
'Cause I guarantee I'll scare you if I speak from my chest
I didn't mean for you to leave when you saw that on my wrist
And I'm so sorry for putting you through all of this

So why do you keep playing with me?
Is it 'cause you get lonely?
In the night and think of us
Well, it's fine 'cause I think of us too

Why do I feel like this?
Well, never mind 'cause you don't care about this
And if I die, will you grieve?
And will you cry and will you miss me?

Can someone give a valid reason on why I shouldn't die?
'Cause you make me wanna kill myself or go grab the knife
I'm at the age where I can never see a point in life
In disbelief of everything that I'm just wasting my time
I'm so bipolar and I don't want you to see me like this
'Cause I guarantee I'll scare you if I speak from my chest
I'm at the bottom of the ocean with all of my regrets
There's many things I wish were gone or wish I could reset

I step into the light and did this without a group
And so you noticing me now when I'm steady on the move
And you just think it's all okay to hit me up out of the blue
I'm not your friend or type of benefit to satisfy you
So please give a valid reason that you want me dead
Is it safe to even know that this just might be a test?
For you to trick me into thinking I'm nothing but a mess
Delete your image that I longed for and not seen again

If I can't love, will I end up
Alone and forgot or spend it with someone?
I can't fall in love, my hearts dead, probably numb
I miss you, my dear, it feels like it's been years

No way home, I was never close
The path ends here, don't know where to go
Stone cold lies, I knew I was right
So farewell 'cause this is goodbye