Lyrics 4:44 - Jay-Z

Do I find it so hard
When I know in my heart
I′m letting you down every day
Letting you down every day
Why do I keep on running away?
Look, I apologize, often womanize
Took for my child to be born, see through a woman's eyes
Took for these natural twins to believe in miracles
Took me too long for this song, I don′t deserve you
I harassed you out in Paris
"Please come back to Rome," you make it home
We talked for hours when you were on tour
"Please pick up the phone, pick up the phone!"
I said: "Don't embarrass me," instead of "Be mine"
That was my proposal for us to go steady
That was your 21st birthday
You matured faster than me, I wasn't ready
So I apologize
I seen the innocence leave your eyes
I still mourn this death and
I apologize for all the stillborns cause I wasn′t present
Your body wouldn′t accept it
I apologize to all the women whom I toyed with your emotions
'Cause I was emotionless
And I apologize ′cause at your best you are love
And because I fall short of what I say I'm all about
Your eyes leave with the soul that your body once housed
And you stare blankly into space
Thinkin′ of all the time, you wasted it on all this basic shit
So I apologize
I'm never gonna treat you
I′m never gonna treat you like I should
Ohhhhhh
I apologize, our love was one for the ages and I contained us
And all this ratchet shit and we more expansive
Not meant to cry and die alone in these mansions
Or sleep with our back turned
We supposed to vacay 'til our backs burn
We're supposed to laugh ′til our heart stops
And then meet in a space where the dark stop
And let love light the way
Like the men before me, I cut off my nose to spite my face
I never wanted another woman to know
Something about me that you didn′t know
I promised, I cried, I couldn't hold
I suck at love, I think I need a do-over
I will be emotionally available if I invited you over
I stew over, what if you over my shit?
I′m never gonna treat you
I'm never gonna treat you like I should
Ohhhhhh
And if my children knew
I don′t even know what I would do
If they ain't look at me the same
I would prob′ly die with all the shame
"You did what with who?"
What good is a ménage à trois when you have a soulmate?
"You risked that for Blue?"
If I wasn't a superhero in your face
My heart breaks for the day I have to explain my mistakes
And the mask goes away
And Santa Claus is fake
And you go online and see
For Blue's tooth, the tooth fairy didn′t pay
I′m never gonna treat you like I should