Lyrics Final Words - JayteKz

I wear this mask every single day
I walk around with a smile like everything's okay
But it's not
My whole entire life's in shambles
And my thoughts are always scattered like a game of scrabble
And I'm sorry if I ramble
But this is how I feel and these emotions are too much to handle
And I ain't got no one to talk to
I feel so alone in these halls in which I walk through
I go to school and I get laughed at
And when I try to make a friend I get backstabbed
And when I walk to class they always yank my backpack
They knock me down and yell "Take that you fag-bag"
And everybody laughs hysterically
How could they treat someone so cruel and so carelessly?
They don't even know my name or a thing about me
So ashamed this world is probably better off without me
I feel worthless
Questioning myself what did I ever do to deserve this
I feel nervous every time I step inside my class
Cause the second I walk in I start being harassed
They leave notes right up on my desk
Telling me that I should wrap a rope around my neck
Sending threats that they'll kick my ass right after school
And if I open up my mouth I'm only adding fuel
So I stay quiet
And when teachers ask what's going on I just deny it
And they buy it
They buy it every single time
Can't they realize these lies which I hide behind?
Can't they hear it in my voice?
I fabricate the truth cause I ain't really got no choice
Constantly in fear I walk these halls in pure trepidation
Why do all these kids cause me so much devastation?
Just today at lunch
I was sitting by myself and got sucker punched
They hit my head hard and knocked the food right off my tray
Beat me to the ground and poured some milk right on my face
They yelled this is what you get
You worthless piece of shit no one wants to be ya' friend
I hope you fucking die so we don't see your face again
And don't you cry for help or else we'll fucking break ya' chin
And everybody started laughing
As I'm wiping off the milk with some torn up napkins
I could feel my hands shaking and my head spinning
Body aching from the punch, knees and leg kicking
I grab my book bag and limp away
Thinking to myself the same shit a different day
So I step inside the bathroom to be alone
And from inside the stalls I heard a voice so unknown
So I knocked and opened up the door
It was a kid breaking down on the bathroom floor
So I asked what his name and what was wrong
He slowly looked up and told me that his name was Tom
He said I'm sick of being picked on
Sick of being laughed at my life is one big sitcom
I can't do this shit no more
My heart is torn apart playing a game of tug of war
Cause one half seeks forgiveness
And the other wants revenge for the pain inflicted
They're the reason why my happiness is so restricted
Can you blame me for the way I feel and being vindictive?
And I replied I feel the same way
Perhaps you and I were meant to share the same fate
I wanna' kill em' all, every last one of em'
And Tom replied you need guns? I got a ton of em'
From that point forward
We both made a promise that would bring us so much closer
Looked him in his eyes and I could tell we shared the same drive
The same hate deep inside from being victimized
So we shook hands and made a deal
That we'd keep our mouths shut and our plans concealed
A few hours passed then we met up at his house
The thought of finally getting vengeance made us both aroused
The house was empty with nobody home
He said my family's on vacation and left me alone
I feel disowned and to be honest I've grown numb to it
Cause my whole life all I've ever done was run from it
But that shit stops tomorrow
I swear to fucking God that everyone will feel my sorrow
And then he pulled out two duffel bags
He said this is for those who caused us trouble on our paths
And each bag had weapons loaded
Handguns, magazines and homemade explosives
We agreed that tomorrow they would feel our wrath
And every classroom in the school would be a bloodbath
I finally felt like I had power
And when tomorrow comes I'll show em' all who's the real coward
For all the tears that they made me shed
For all the fear that made me wish that I was fucking dead
I just wish I had some help
I wish the ones I love did not ignore my mental health
My parents hardly speak to me how could they ever tell
I'm a danger to myself and now society as well and it's too late
I'm so broken way beyond repair
Tired of hoping that somebody out there really cares
But maybe now they will finally pay some attention
Maybe now they will finally show some affection
And to the kids at school
I hope that you regret the torment that you put me through
All I wanted was a friend someone to have my back
To put my pain at ease and place my mind back on track
I've been bullied my entire life
My heart is filled with hatred, agony and so much strife
This was the only way I could escape
I had to let go and finally lose my grip with faith
These are my final words
And by now I'm probably dead or underneath the dirt
I am the product of a blessing that was once neglected
I am the product of an angel that became demented
I promise you I'm not the only one
Pay attention to the closest and the lonely ones
Try and help before it's too late
Before they end up just like me and meet their doomsday