Lyrics Cool Down Willard - Ray Stevens

Cool down Willard (cool down)
You're just too hot for the farm
I said cool down Willard (cool down)
You gotta throttle back on the charm
Yeah my wife and my grandma and my aunt May
Go wild when you wave your toupee
Cool down Willard (cool down)
You're just too hot for the farm

Well I'm up every morning at the crack of dawn
But my wife's already up and got the TV on
Just sittin' there, starin' at the test pattern
You can't budge her from that spot

She's waitin' for that early morning Today Show
With that sexy weatherman, her superhero
Old debonair, devil-may-care Willard Scott

"Oh Willard, ye're jes' tha sweetest thang!"
"Now sit down grandma and put your teeth back in,
You're drooling all in your cream of wheat!"
"Oh, Willard...!"

Now grandma just ain't been the same
Since her last birthday when Willard mentioned her name
Right there on coast-to-coast TV
Why, we had to step up her medication!

And the wife don't cook and don't clean the home
She's talkin' all day on the telephone
'Bout what Willard said, what Willard wore
Why, it's a serious situation!

Said cool down Willard (cool down)
You're just too hot for the farm
Cool down Willard (cool down)
You gotta throttle back on the charm
There's just so much these women can take
You're the hottest thing they ever hit while awake
I said cool down Willard (cool down)
You're just too hot for the farm

"Oh, here I am Willard! Take me, you handsome hunk!"
"Now grandma don't get yourself all riled up!"
"Come on, Willard!"
"Grandma, what HAVE you got on?!"

Now grandma ain't been acting like she should
Since she rode off to Frederick's of Hollywood
She just puts on her little outfit
And waits for Mr. Excitement with the boutonniere

The whole darn thing has just gone too far
They even started talkin' 'bout gettin' a VCR
So they can watch Willard 24 hours a day
I tell you it just ain't fair

(Cool down Willard)
Why this is worse than Elvis! Or the Beatles!
(Cool down Willard)
Yeah, the way these women are just throwing themselves at this man
What is it gonna take for somebody to help me with these chores?
Cool down Willard
I mean I'm out there working my fingers to the bone!
Cool down Willard
Milking the cows, slopping the hogs...
Cool down Willard
Feedin' them chickens, I'm sick of this!
I'm tellin' ya Willard, I'm out there killing myself
And these women are all piled up in the bed there watchin' you on TV
Cool down Willard
Cavorting around and trampling with their [?]
I tell you Willard! Willard!!