Lyrics Gaston - Richard White feat. Jesse Corti

Who does she think she is?
That girl has tangled with the wrong man!
No one says "No" to Gaston!
Darn right! Dismissed! Rejected!
Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear
More beer?
What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced
Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on

No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Gaston is the best
And the rest is all drips

No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!

For there's no one as burly and brawny

As you see I've got biceps to spare

Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair

No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston

In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston

I'm espcially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!

Ten points for Gaston!

When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!

No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston

I use antlers in all of my decorating!
Say it again, who's the man among man? And then say it once more
Who's the hero next door who's the supe successful gentleman
There's just one man in town whose all of the above
And his name's G-A-S, uh, T-G-A-S-T-E, G-A-S-T-O, ow, Gaston!