Lyrics D & D (Live 2005) - Stephen Lynch

Harmonica
(Immitates harmonica)
More harmonica
(Immitates harmonica)
I got my 12 sided die,
And I'm ready to roll,
With a wizard and my goblin crew.
My friends are coming over,
To my mom's basement,
Bringing Funyuns and the Mountain Dew.
I've got a big broad sword,
Made out of cardboard,
And that stereo is a pump Zepplin.
(Dazed and Confused!)
It's that time of the night,
We turn on the blacklight,
LET THE DUNGEONS AND THE DRAGONS BEGIN!
It's D&D!
Fighting with the legends of Yore.
It's D&D!
Never kissed a lady before.
(Nope, woo!)
(Yeah I said it.)
Time to bring the thunder?
Let's bring the thunder c'mon!
(Plucks single string)
Oh that's nice!
Why don't you bring some thunder motherfucker?
Alright!
(Shakes maraca)
Now, The Lord of the Rings,
The Dark Crystal and things.
We use these as a refrence tool,
And when we put on our cloaks and tell warlock jokes,
WE'RE THE COOLEST KIDS IN THE SCHOOL!
(No we're not.)
(I know.)
Now, Tiech's a real bastard,
But a fair dungeon master.
He's got hitpoints and charisma to lend,
And I reherse in my room,
Or what I call the Dragon's Tomb,
When I'm not with my girlfriend!
It's D&D!
Wait wait wait, Tiech,
Hold on a second.
I'm sorry give me on second,
Dude c'mon seriously.
You got a fucking "girlfriend",
"Dungeon Master"?
That's kind of a dick thing to say.
It's D&D!
Summoning the demons of hell.
It's D&D!
When our shift ends at the Taco Bell.
Tortilla!
Chalupa!
Well my medieval brother,
There's room here for another.
Would you care to take a roll of the die?
You guys make me weak,
You think that you could keep up with a warrior as mighty as I?
See, you're in mortal danger,
I'm a first class ranger
Who's half Gargoyle an half Elf.
And if that doesn't scare ya,
Maybe I should beware ya
Of what lurks within my gaming shelf.
Next to my junior high annua,
Lies my monster manual
And my customized dungeon master screen.
I've got tresures and traps
On my graph paper maps
Next to my three inch solid pewter figurines.
So if you think you've got the balls
Bring on your dungeon master calls
I'll be protected by my robe of destruction.
And I will leave you both in tears
Because I'm the dungeon master here,
And you two ar in need of some instruction.
It's D&D!
Warriors who terrify
It's D&D!
Virgins
Till the day
Weeoweeowee
Oh oh oh ooooh
Do it!
Oh oh oooh!
No no no no!
No!
One two FUCK YOU!
Die!
Thank you everybody!