Lyrics Resumé Man - The String Cheese Incident

Well, a funny thing happened at a gig the other day
When a man approached me with a resumé
Said, "If you need any help then I'm your man"
He said, "I'll work the door and I'll load your beer
When you boys get thirsty I'll go for beer
And if it ever breaks down I can even fix your van."

I asked the guy what he did for work
I saw a twinkle in his eye and he gave a little smirk
He said "I work right down the road, I got a melon stand
I'm set up in a shady spot
I sell watermelons and a little bit of pot.
Last year I made damn near thirty grand."

He said, "I need a change and I love your sound
And I sure would like to get out of this town
Dedicate myself to a rock 'n' roll band
I've been a race car mechanic and a bodyguard
I'm a C.P.A. and I'll work really hard
Hire me on, I can see you boys need a hand"

"You know I've done it all and I've been around
I've had a lot of good jobs, seen a lot of rough towns
I'd like to offer you my services for hire
I was a cook in the Army and I drove a jeep
I had an 80-acre ranch where I ran some sheep
I sang bass in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir"

He's a resumé man, he's a resumé man
If he can't do it, I don't know who can
Says right here he's qualified
50 years on the job and the man's only 45

But things started to get a little bit weird
When he stared at Mike and took a swig of beer
And said, "What's with the lady, 'cause she really blows my mind."
I knew the man was qualified
He'd worked a hundred different jobs and done 'em all with pride
But he wasn't exactly the help we had hoped to find

He's a resumé man, he's a resumé man
If he can't do it, I don't know who can
Says right here he's qualified
50 years on the job and the man's only 45

He's a resumé man, he's a resumé man
If he can't do it, I don't know who can
Says right here he's qualified
50 years on the job and the man's only 45