Lyrics My Home Town - Tom Lehrer

I really have a yen
To go back once again
Back to the place where no one wears a frown
To see once more those super-special just plain folks
In my home town

No fellow could ignore
The little girl next door
She sure looked sweet in her first evening gown
Now there's a charge for what she used to give for free
In my home town

I remember Dan
The druggist on the corner,
He was never mean or ornery
He was swell
He killed his mother-in-law and ground her up real well
And sprinkled just a bit
Over each banana split

The guy that taught us math
Who never took a bath
Acquired a certain measure of renown
And after school he sold the most amazing pictures
In my home town

That fellow was no fool
Who taught our Sunday School
And neither was our kindly Parson Brown
We're recording tonight so I have to leave this line out
In my home town

I remember Sam
He was the village idiot
And though it seems a pity, it was so
He loved to burn down houses just to watch the glow
And nothing could be done
Because he was the mayor's son

The guy that took a knife
And monogrammed his wife
Then dropped her in the pond and watched her drown
Oh, yes indeed, the people there are just plain folks
In my home town