Lyrics Matt Knudsen - Zach Sherwin
I
did
a
little
gig
not
long
ago
And
this
dude
came
up
to
me
after
the
show
And
he
said
to
me:
"Hey,
you
know
the
only
difference
between
'rap'
and
'crap'?
It's
the
letter
C"
I
thought
"This
guy
is
wack.
That
joke
is
not
even
a
wisecrack;
is
a
DUMB-crack"
But
the
memory
is
pain
in
my
butt
Like
a
thumbtack
in
my
BUM-crack
'Cause
I
didn't
have
a
comeback
Man,
I
wish
I
could
have
hit
him
with
a
zinger
Should
have
served
him
with
the
verbal
equivalent
of
a
middle
finger
And
now
it'll
linger
forever
But
I've
been
stewing
over
what
I'd
say
to
him
if
I
could
do
it
over
He'd
be
like:
"Hey,
you
know
the
only
difference
between
'rap'
and
'crap'?
It's
the
letter
C"
I'd
say
"Are
you
insured
medically?
'Cause
you
sure
better
be
When
you're
broken
in
half
from
provokin'
the
wrath
And
your
joke?
Didn't
laugh.
And
actually
there's
another
difference
between
'rap'
and
'crap'
you
did
not
hit.
'Rap'
describes
my
comedy
on
stage
'Crap'
describes
your
comedy
off
it"
"Aw,
shit"
"Oh,
crap"
Everybody
within
earshot
would
be
like:
"Oh,
snap"
I'd
high-five
all
around
while
the
guy
falls
down
In
a
ball
on
the
ground
Someone
hands
him
a
bandage
to
stop
the
bleeding
And
when
he
manages
to
stand
I'd
say:
"Man,
you
just
got
defeated.
It's
ironic,
I
shit
on
your
'crap
joke'.
You
could
say
I
defecated
on
it."
Murder
but
I'd
take
it
even
further
He'd
just
be
weeping
pathetically
I'd
say:
"Hey,
you
know
the
only
difference
between
'defeated'
and
'defecated'?
It's
the
letter
C"
Sudden
hush
like
when
a
skydiver
pulls
a
ripcord
Somebody
tiptoes
forward
hands
me
a
clipboard
And
I'd
let
dude
read
it
Is
a
looseleaf
sheet
and
it
say
the
word
'Defeated'
I'd
pull
out
a
Sharpie
marker
Narrow
my
eyes
through
my
Warby
Parkers
Like
"Watch
who
you're
messin'
with,
with
your
effin'
ish"
Then
I'd
write
in
the
C
and
he
is
f-in-ished.
Finished!
Man,
can
you
imagine
if
that's
what
I
said
If
I'd
come
up
with
that
off
the
top
of
my
head
I
should
have
shredded
him
Knocked
him
down,
dead.
But
like
I
said,
That's
not
what
I
said.
*Sigh*
1 Pill Bugs
2 Charlie
3 Moving-Soon.Com
4 Matt Knudsen
5 Do What It Takes
6 Funny Dentist
7 Ouncare
8 Josh Gondelman
9 Legato Gelato
10 Pop Music
11 Ken Reid
12 Jen Rv
13 Kfc
14 Scott Talarico
15 Put Me on at Night Time
16 Produce
17 Stage Name
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