Lyrics If I Were a Rich Man - Zero Mostel

(SPOKEN:) Dear God, you made many, many poor people. I realize, of course, that
It's no shame to be poor... but it's no great honor, either.
So what would been so terrible if I had... a small fortune?

If I were a rich man
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
All day long I'd biddy-biddy-bum
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
If I were a biddy-biddy rich
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle deedle daidle daidle man.

I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen
Right in the middle of the town
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up
And one even longer coming down
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese
And ducks for the town to see and hear
Squawking just as noisily as they can
And each loud "pa-pa-geeee! pa-pa-gaack! pa-pa-geeee! pa-pa-gaack!"
Would land like a trumpet on the ear
As if to say, "Here lives a wealthy man."
Oy!

If I were a rich man
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
All day long I'd biddy-biddy-bum
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
If I were a biddy-biddy rich
Daidle deedle daidle daidle man.

I see my wife, my Golde, looking like a rich man's wife
With a proper double chin
Supervising meals to her heart's delight.
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a peacock
Oy! What a happy mood she's in
Screaming at the servants day and night.

The most important men in town will come to fawn on me--
They will ask me to advise them
Like a Solomon the Wise--
"If you please, Reb Tevye?"--
"Pardon me, Reb Tevye?"--
Posing problems that would cross a rabbi's eyes--
(Chanting) Ya va voy, ya va voy voy vum...
And it won't make one bit of difference
If I answer right or wrong--
When you're rich, they think you really know.

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack
To sit in the synagogue and pray
And maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall
And I'd discuss the learned books with the holy men
Seven hours every day--
That would be the sweetest thing of all...
Oy!

If I were a rich man
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
All day long I'd biddy-biddy-bum
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum
Lord who made the lion and the lamb
You decreed I should be what I am--
Would it spoil some vast, eternal plan
If I were a wealthy man?