Lyrics dysphoria - handkerchief code

I acted fine and got out
But I lied
I know what I have to do
I know what the next step is
Why was I cursed with this body?
What did I do in a previous life?
I hate my body
Which lead to family problems
And the other queer kids thought I wasn't good enough
And I was bullied so much
I pushed a jock down some stairs
And I fell in love with a girl who couldn't bare me
Because I was putting all my shit on her too
I know my body is rejecting me
The host must leave
I'm a mistake
And now it's up to the river under this bridge
To decide weather I live