Lance the Turtle

And now it's time for 'Ukelele karaoke with Bob
The part of the show where Bob comes out
And sings a 'ukelele karaoke

Uh, what's going on?
You are doing ze ukelele karaoke, no?
No, I'm on a break, this is the Pirates-
They are busy with the rest of the show
But I don't even know the song
Your lyrics, monsieur. Bring in ze props!
But wait
Light breeze!
Light breeze, monsieur
Hold on a sec!
I'm totally unprepared to do a solo
Your backup singers
What? Isn't that the-
Wait zey are ze wiggly turtle toobies
Wiggly turtle toobies? They look taller on TV
So do you, tomato!
But really this is Larry's gig, I can't just-
The show must go on, Monsieur!
Quick, that is your cue!
Just follow along
You'll be fine

Lance the turtle
Aloha, Lance
Lance the turtle
Dance dance dance
Lance the turtle
Aloha Lance
Lance the turtle
Dance dance dance

Well I keep a little turtle at my uncle and my aunt's
My auntie's name is Murtle and my island turtle's name is Lance
He doesn't wander far even if he has a chance
He just plays his 'ukulele and he does the hula dance
What?

Lance the turtle
Aloha, Lance
Lance the turtle
Dance dance dance

Lance the turtle
Aloha, Lance
Lance the turtle
Dance dance dance

He threw a luau barbecue one breezy summer night
Invited all his turtle pals to come and have a weekly bite
The turtles started walking there as Lance began to swing
The one that lived across the street arrived there in the spring

Lance the turtle (Oh, I get it!)
Aloha lance (Turtles are slow)
Lance the turtle (So it took him a long time)
Dance dance dance (That's pretty good)
Lance the turtle
Aloha lance
Lance the turtle
Dance dance dance

But Lance just kept on cooking, he was really full of glee
He was marinading ribs 'cuz he likes... huh... syrup with his feta cheese?

I'm sorry I just-

Lance's purple turtle shell has ketchup if you please
Pineapples are shiny, spotted ticky bumblebees, oh man

Lance the turtle
Aloha lance
Lance the turtle
Dance dance dance (Wait a minute, guys, I don't think this is right)
Lance the turtle (It doesn't make any sense!)
Aloha lance (It works for us!)
Lance the turtle (But-)
Dance dance dance (The song, the song!)

There are lunches of chocolate fingers spinning slowly in the school
Molakimikimaka, fluffy bunnies driving in the pool oh larry

1, 000 igloos wax the peas
Spray luggage into tree
Raining puppies flying clown
Flopping tuna haili ow oh forget it

Oh hoh A box of sneezy coconuts zucchini polo leg
Zucchini with spaggehti sauce it makes a fluffy parapeg

Paper plastic porcupines ze horsey makes his bed
Alukunokiakakiaalasisparisred

Lance the turtle
Aloha lance
This has been ukulele karaoke with Bob
Tune in next time, when Bob says
I'll be in my dressing room
Dance dance dance!