Bodily Functions

Anything that we all do
And we never talk about, is funny, man
Have you ever been making out with someone
And one of you has a snot that's whistling?

Used to think we blew it out of tune on the climax, honey geez
Here's something I discovered was really more universal
Than I'd ever suspected well, maybe not, just a little bit
Anyway, you know what I mean?

And I found out I found out by asking people
When you take a piss, do you go like this?
All right
I find that even women do that

It's just a different position
What is that, man?
It has no name
I call it the piss shiver

It's nature's way of shaking off
It goes back to the days when we didn't hold on to it
Isn't that funny how we say, take a shit and take a piss?
You don't take them, you leave them

I left a shit, Bill
Geez, where'd you leave it this time?
Last year, the kids didn't find it till Easter
I'm going to take a shit

Don't take one of mine
I only have three left and the weekend is coming up
Why don't you go home and take one of your own shits?
I was always taking my shits

When I have to take a shit at the airport
I usually go in the handicapped stall
First of all it's free you know
Secondly everything is bigger in there mehn

Yeah your erm your feet don't even touch the ground mehn
You feel like Shirley Temple
Waiting for Raymond Burr
Let me in there

Belly noise
Gut rumblings
When your stomach is talking to you
Your stomach is talking to you

I think that's called
Borborygmic
I was told it was called borborygmic
Which should be a good name for it

Borborygmic
Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo
That's a familiar one, right?
Boy yo yo yo yo yo yo yo

Did you ever notice that one bubble sounds
A lot like the last one did?
Goes the same way, past the corn
Around the bees, under the beef, over the gravy

Boy yo yo yo yo yo yo yo
One of the great times that your stomach does a lot of this orating
Is when you're sitting in the dentist's waiting room
Everything is quiet, man

You're reading Cuspid Annual
And your stomach is showing off
Or attracting attention
Saying things like

We're poor
We're poor
And you try to shuffle the book
Did you ever belch and taste a hot dog you had two days ago?

Hey, that was almost puke
It was a toss-up between puke and hot dog, yeah
In New York, if you spit in the subway, it's a 50 dollar fine
Vomiting is free, man

Have you ever noticed that your whole sense of values
Changes when you're throwing up?
I don't care about my shoes urghhh
Thank you