Текст песни The Cook House Serenade - George Formby

Now Jimmy Jones he came home from camp
You know and he walked with a military swing, (he did look well)
And army life why it was great, except for just one thing
Mama used to say peel those potatoes
Did I peel potatoes? No
Now the sergeant yells, hey peel those potatoes
And I peel, I peel, I peel, I peel, I peel, I peel, I peel
Grandma use to say please slice those tomatoes
Did I slice tomatoes? No
Now the corporeal yells, hey slice those tomatoes
And I slice, I slice, I slice,
I slice, I slice slice slice slice slice
My uniform is an apron, I′m learning to cook and bake
Now when I get out of the army, what a wonderful wife I'll make
Papa use to say please sweep up the kitchen
Did I sweep the kitchen? No
Now the captain yells, hey sweep up the kitchen
He sweeps, he sweeps he sweeps, he sweeps
That′s the cookhouse serenade
Father used to say please stick up a notice
Did I stick the notice? No
Now the sergeant yells, hey stick up that notice
And I stick, I stick, I stick, I wish he'd stick it up himself
When a girl asks for a lift in a lorry
Do you think I refuse her? No
And she likes the way I handle the chassis
I clutch, I clutch with nimble touch, I clutch, I clutch, I clutch
When I was cleaning me windows, I would look in to see who's who
Now the only thing that I look in, is a saucepan of army stew
Teacher said what shall we do with you Georgy?
Did I tell the teacher? No
Now the cook says what shall we do with the porridge
So I tell him what to do with it
That′s the cookhouse serenade
Now I told my girl I′d keep off the ladies
Did I keep me promise? No
When she wrote what have they got that I've not got?
I replied, naught but they′ve got it here, they've got it here
In the army sometimes you′ll hear them swearing
Do you hear me swearing? No
But the things I think concerning the seargent
He's a -, He′s a -, He's a -, He's a -, He′s a -, He′s a -, He's a -,
My uniform is an apron, I′m learning to cook and bake
Now when I get out of the army, what a wonderful wife I'll make
In the laundry they say say press all the blouses
Did I press the blouses? No
Now the WAC′s say will you press all out blouses
And I press, I press, I press, Ipress
That's the cookhouse serenade