Текст песни The Simple Plot of Kingdom Hearts - Starbomb

Uuuurgh, hello and welcome to what I pray
Is the final episode of talking video games
Don't, don't clap for their asses
Today our topic, like always
Is games with simple plots
(Hi, i'm Zora from Kingdom Hearts)
No, you shut your mouth
I'm starting wtih our other guests first
Guests, please tell us your name
And the simple plot of your game
Hey, I'm the cast of Marganoid
And as far as I can tell, I'm a tube and a ball bounces off me
I'm Miss Pacman, I'm Pacman with a bow
Okay Zora, did you see how it's done?
Tell me the plot of your game, real simple
Just like that
You got it (Cue the music)
No don't cue the music

Kairi washes up on the shore
Completely unaware of what the heck is in store
Then Destiny Islands blows up from the war
Of the heartless little evil guys that run on all fours
I'm already lost, who are these people and places?
I'll tell you later buddy, I'm already off to the races
I'm now in Traverse Town, with Goofy and Donald Duck
From the Disney movies?
Yes!
What exactly the fuck?
I'm a keyblade wielder and they need my ability
Sealing keyholes of worlds, restoring all the tranquility
This is not making sense
It's a little hard to follow
Everything will come together in the Bastion of Hollow

Let me get this straight, it's Mickey Mouse and You (Nope)
With all your Heartless friends defending all that's true (Wrong)
Now it is your destiny to cut up a bunch of keys
Cause this is Final Fantasy! (Not even close)

So I'm looking for Riku while I'm out on my quest
Do I know him?
He's my best friend!
Hashtag blessed
Well actually he's evil it was just a facade
Now he's my arch enemy
Oh my fucking god!
Now we are travelling to Hollow Bastion we go
Run into Riku, OH NO! possessed by Ansem and so
He's after Princess Kairi
And then I really try to be
A hero so I die to free
Her heart that's deep inside of me

Tell me why Ansem even wants Kairi?
Why is the princess human if a mouse is king?
Are you some kind of buccaneer?
If you died how are you here?
Please kill me with the nearest spear! (Oh I'll clear it up)

So I turned into a heartless, then brought back by Kairi's power
We escaped to the end of the world, a place that's really dour
Ansem followed us there 'cause his plan finally starts to flower
As Kingdom Hearts appears making every person quake and cower
What is Kingdom Hearts?
It's a door and also a moon

But there's another one, and it's a moon, but not like the first moon
Anyway, Ansem thinks that Kingdom Hearts has tons of bad stuff
But it opens and he melts from all the goodness
That's tough!
Then we find out it's a doorway venting evil fast
But it was filled with light and stuff?
It's better not to ask.
Me and Mickey Mouse sealed up the door from both sides with our keys
And that's the basic premise of my game! No questions please!

My god this plot is all that I can take
I want to cry and jerk off into some pancakes
But I must swallow all the hate
I give up this is my fate
As host of Talking Video Games

The ratings are in
The show's cancelled
Tits, fuck yes, I mean, no, oh no