Текст песни Side Effects - TurtleFrogMan

My scalp's completely bare now
And I shave it just to minimize
Embarrassment and age revealing gray

My ears are growing hair now
And my nose hair curls up toward my eyes
And in the breeze my nose and ear hair sway

I was watching television
And I saw a long commercial
For a drug that could grow hair effectively

And I made a quick decision
That did not seem controversial
Asked a doctor to prescribe this drug for me

And I picked up the prescription from the pharmacy
And I read the list of side effects alarmingly
And I wondered could this medicine bring harm to me?

It read only take this medicine with food
Common Side effects of this include

Bleeding from your ears and eyes
Diarrhea, bloody stools
Painful rashes on your thighs
And shrinkage of the family jewels
Double vision trouble breathing
Pins and needles burning itching
Nausea and violent heaving
Facial tics and muscle twitching
Cold sweats fever skin that peels
Painful frequent urination
Trouble keeping down your meals
Occasional hallucination

So I took this drug religiously
I checked my scalp each day non stop
I wanted badly flowing auburn locks

And in time it seemed to work for me
I was growing hair on top
I followed the directions on the box

But it wasn't just my hair that grew
I had unwelcome side effects
Abnormal bulges in my shirt suggests

What was I supposed to do
In contradiction to my sex
I grew these rather large womanly breasts

I checked the list of side effects and maladies
Does it cause men to develop double D's?
Read the label once more with me, would you please?

It reads only take this medicine with food
Common Side effects of this include

Bleeding from your ears and eyes
Diarrhea, bloody stools
Painful rashes on your thighs
And shrinkage of the family jewels
Double vision trouble breathing
Pins and needles burning itching
Nausea and violent heaving
Facial tics and muscle twitching
Cold sweats fever skin that peels
Interacts with other drugs
Trouble keeping down your meals
Some men will grow giant jugs