Lyrics Trauma / My Curse - Arkh Zeus feat. Sarah Cordova

It was December 2005
I barely cried, 'til this day still not sure why
Guess I was too young to realize
The most un-fair-well of my life concluded without a goodbye
It's hard to pinpoint exactly what I've lost
'Cause truth be told, it's probably something that I never had at all
Despite your presence, but where were you during my adolescence?
If you ashamed of what I became, this how I'll address it:
Your lack of attendance went to the back of my mental
Made me passive aggressive, unfit to battle the sentence
Of a lifetime, not so sure 'bout where I'll go cause
Times like these when I really needed your shoulder
Now I'm straight losing control as I get older
Still no trace of you in the home, that's why it's colder
Poor connection, losing thy focus, you can't solder
Back to the motherboard you burned through 'cause it's over
The damage is done, I'm mannequin numb
Couldn't you tell by my path now? I'm Anakin dumb
Is this how I should be a man and confront
Every bold piece to expose the place I'm taking damages from?
Or will it backfire in the worst way possible
And simply add on to my staircase of obstacles?
Well they are not popping these thought bubbles
They cut deep, and these wounds of mine, I promise they're not subtle

This is just an additional little root
Another sin I bear, don't be scared of the bitter truth
'Cause I know you can hear the despair of this fickle youth
Listen dude, this was never intended to diss on you
But no disrespect to my father, just thought that he would've sought to
Be a better one considering later on he lost his
Lost his mother too but I cannot stick up for you
'Cause you left my mother, now she hates herself because of you
Never gonna love another man all because of you
Never gonna see me as a friend all because of you
Never gonna seek to understand all because of you
And we'll never be the same again all because of you
Why'd you leave? Swear to God, when you left it took a part of me
And my mom, she don't really seem to fond of me
Ain't her fault, she just sees what the trauma sees
Including me

This is my curse
This is my curse
Lord you've made my life worse
Couldn't even fight first
This is my curse
This is my curse
Lord you've made my life worse
Couldn't even fight first

For as long as I could remember, I knew this was
More than just because, and what is up above
But I'm still too young to confront for a solution
So I succumb to my confusion

I'm just built that way
I guess I'll never change
I'm just built that way
I guess I'll never change
I'm just built that way
I guess I'll never change
I'm just built that way
I guess I'll never change

Now tell me something
Tell me what you running from cousin
Is it cops by the dozen? Guess you're not bluffing
It it hoes chasing gold that they're not touching?
Bet that doesn't stop the hustle, stop the trouble
Stop what's coming
Nah, problems simply elevate
I merely contemplate on how I wait to disengage
I've grew impatient
My patience wore thin 'cause I'm too comfortable in the skin I'm in
I'm talking, no brand on my clothes again
I'm saying, look at what they say again
I wanted peace but these rooms and these elephants
Like, why do I try to excel again?
And watch me propel, amen
Come-back for the come up weapons formed against
Set-back from how it's setup I been warned intense
And left me to my own demise, at my own expense
Like, all this stress you just hold it in
And all this drama you just try and prevent
Ain't got no time to lie and resent
Means and matter, throughout this chapter coming to ends
I gotta try and repent I can't, do it alone
I mean I can, I just can't do it alone
I'm feeling new to the throne
Feeling new to the throne
I'm feeling new on my own