Taking My Ball - Album Version (Edited)

Yo, Dre, Man
Make my vocals sound sexy... woo!
Come on, man, come on, man, okay

It feels so wrong 'cause it feels so right
But it's all right, it's okay with me
I'll do my steps all by myself
I don't need nobody to play with me
But if you just give me a chance
I can put you in a trance the way I dance
But don't nobody wanna play with me
So I'm taking my ball and going home, home

I'm that guy, man, shove a diamond up my hind end
And crush it with my butt muscles while I cut vocals
Slut poke holes in ya shirt, jump in mud puddles
While I stomp mudholes in ya a-, girl, now let's cuddle
Blood curdlin', you're gurglin' on your blood, what'll
I do for my next trick? I'm feelin' wonderful
I think I might just do somethin' a little less subtle
Shove a f- Tonka truck up a little kid's b-

Feel the wrath of a psychopath slash ambassador
Of the Valentine's Day Massacre slash assassin
I slash her in the a- with a icicle
And leave her layin' in a blood bath while I
Put a catheter in and jump in the bath with her
In my Spider-Man mask, man

Just imagine the fun I can have with a strap-on
Stick it up Kim Kardashian's a- and make the bitch run a triathlon
Are those pistachios? Damn, I'd like to have some
Laying on the patio, man, rolling a fat one
Shady, drop the magic marker, put the cap on
Goddamn, man, are you that much of an a-?

It feels so wrong 'cause it feels so right
But it's all right, it's okay with me
I'll do my steps all by myself
I don't need nobody to play with me
But if you just give me a chance
I can put you in a trance the way I dance
But don't nobody wanna play with me
So I'm taking my ball and going home, home

I'm like Houdini, tuck my teenie eenie weenie between each
One of my thighs and make it disappear like a genie
Make the s- disappear like Tara Reid in a bikini
Believe me, homie, you don't know the meaning of a meanie
They call me the fruit loop from Jupiter
I'm tryna maneuver the Hoover up in your p- chute
Don't move or ya might get it stuck so f- far up in your uvula
You ain't gonna know what he was tryna do to ya gluteus

Totally tubular, sniffin' glue through a tube in the studio
Now who do ya think is more fruitier?
Wiener smothered in peanut butter, puttin' on a tube of ya
Eye shadow and man, it looked nice, you should've seen it, mother
I think I'll put a piece of art on my Visa card
Then I'll go beat Mischa Barton with a Cuisinart
Then mosey on over to Rosie O'Donnell's with McDonald's
Jump on her lap then watch The Sopranos

It feels so wrong 'cause it feels so right
But it's all right, it's okay with me
I'll do my steps all by myself
I don't need nobody to play with me
But if you just give me a chance
I can put you in a trance the way I dance
But don't nobody wanna play with me
So I'm taking my ball and going home, home

Shady, what are you doin' chewin' on a human?
Grab an aluminum bat, hit Heidi Klum in the back, boom!
And assumin' the fact that that dude's in the back room
Usin' the bathroom, vacuumin' a raccoon
Skewin' a rat, a cat s- a baboon
You shouldn't ask what is he doin' with that broom
You should be glad he ain't leave you full of stab wounds
You in a trance, I'm back doing my dance, ooh

But they're afraid I might get Sarah Palin by the hair
And make her wear a bathin' suit and take her parasailin'
Shady, why do you gotta pick on the lady for?
Why you make her read 84 bedtime stories to you in baby talk?
'Cause I'm scared, there's monsters under my bed
Kellie Pickler hid my juice box under my bassinet
No wonder my a- is wet, my diaper needs to be changed
You like graffiti, dyke? Well, I can pee-pee and write your name

It feels so wrong 'cause it feels so right
But it's all right, it's okay with me
I'll do my steps all by myself
I don't need nobody to play with me
But if you just give me a chance
I can put you in a trance the way I dance
But don't nobody wanna play with me
So I'm taking my ball and going home, home

Fine, nobody wants to play with me?
F- you then
You guys are always mean to me anyways
All you ever do is rub gum in my hair and stuff
You guys are gonna make me... make me sad, I'm sad
I'm gonna cry... I'm crying
I'm going to tell my mom... Mom!