Back Again

There's something wrong with me
I'm obsessed with sex
Now that I'm going to AA
I need to go to Sexual Compulsives Anonymous
Next

And design a sex plan
With an inner circle
Of things I will not do
And a middle circle
Of things that offer
A little room
And then an outer circle
Aimed at having things other than sex
In my life too

Hiking
Playing guitar
Hanging out with friends
But I already do all of those things
To an extent

Maybe I just need a boyfriend
Maybe I just need to remove the modem
From my computer again

So I can't go into chat rooms
And stay there all day
Maybe I need a job
In addition
To school
I'll be running out of money soon

So I send out resumes
I want a job in the arts
But no one responds to my applications
So I have to go back to my old workplace
In logistics and moving freight

But I'm on my AA ninth step
Of making amends
And when I was in charge of payroll
I stole from them
I padded my hours
So I have to tell them about it
And apologize
And give them a cheque
Or work for them for free
For a while

They say they don't really mind
I was always a good worker
And they like me
It would be too complicated for them
To take a cheque
Or for me to work for free
So I decide I'll just work
Until I feel like I've paid of my debt to them
And donate part of my paycheck
To some kind of good cause or charity

But even though I'm working
I'm still obsessed with sex
With searching out sex
With having sex
With thinking about sex

Maybe I'm trying to avoid something
What could I be trying to avoid?
Maybe I can make a list
Of all my fears

Fear one
I'll end up alone
I'll be too needy or independent
For anyone

Fear two could be
That I'll get stuck with someone I don't like
Or who doesn't like me

But I don't think that's very likely
I'm oh so good at getting out of relationships
How many have I gotten into
And out of
Just in the last week?

One, two, three
(and that was just on the first day)
Four
(the second day, I pretty much took a break)
Five, six
(but one of those I may see again)

Then there's that cute guy
Who is studying to become a dentist
I was with him almost all Saturday
And we never had sex

He thinks after I finish my bachelor's
I should get my master's degree
Maybe if I get all my paperwork in
He'll finally have sex with me

Maybe I should get a master's anyway
But in what?
I'm starting to like
Just driving a delivery truck
Bringing parts to technicians
Who are fixing broken copying machines
Flashing a smile
I'm like Johnny Appleseed

But I also like writing music
And my mom really thinks that's what I should do
Even when I was doing lots of drugs
And she knew
Or was pretty sure
She still bought a new
Keyboard for me

And I met somebody recently
In a chat room
Who is apparently
A music industry
Executive
So I go and visit him
And he's kind of flirting with me
Even though he's like 50

And he says he likes my music
But he has no idea what my lyrics mean
You need to have a story he says to me

So one day I'm at the beach
And suddenly this story comes to me
For a musical play
It's really exciting
More exciting than delivering parts
And there's still time to get my paperwork in
For a new writing
Master's of fine arts

Because it's a new program
It'll probably be easy to get in
The dentist and I have drifted apart
And we never did have sex
But I'll apply to get my master's anyway

And I met someone else in a chat room
Just yesterday
He's a Broadway
Playwright
How weird is that?
Is it coincidence?
Is it fate?

He's not too old
So we did have sex
A lot of it
Inner circle sex
Middle circle sex
And we even ventured around
In my outer circle

But I keep getting itchy skin
Well, all of my life I've had bouts of itchy skin
But they went away for a while
And now they're back again