Ecosystem

Teaching and writing
And sponsoring
Newly-sober alcoholics
Composing a new song now and then
And going out for lunch
At my favourite
Mexican restaurant
After a noon AA meeting

Talking on the phone
With my boyfriend
And making plans
To go bowling with him
And his best friends

He only has a few friends
But he sees them all the time
Unlike me
I know lots of people
And spend time
With them
Just
Here and there
A few times a year

Getting a fish tank
First time I had a pet
Since my cat died
When I was alone with her
On my 14th birthday

And since I took my other cat
To the vet
When I was 20
To put him to sleep
When I was moving out
From my parents' house
With a boyfriend

My parents didn't want the cat
And I couldn't take him with me
I couldn't afford a place
That would allow pets
And besides my boyfriend was allergic

And when I walked into the vet's office
Everyone cooed at what a beautiful cat
Oliver was
Until they heard me say why I was there
Then I ran out and I didn't
I couldn't
Look back

And I dropped acid that night
And dared myself to think about Oliver
Tiptoed across the edge
Of a bad trip
But didn't fall

Proved to myself that it was bearable
What I'd done to Oliver
Or, even if not bearable
That I could bear it
On acid
With the taciturn stars
Looking down on me
From the cold, distant
Pulsing, boundless, endless
Unfathomable sky

Getting a fish tank was a big deal
A big responsibility
I didn't want it to end
Like that again

My dad helped me make a wooden box
To put dirt and worms and my food scraps in
So the worms could eat and multiply
And provide an endless supply
Of fresh food for my growing, thriving freshwater fish

And things were going so well
My ecosystem of food scraps
And worms
And fish
And my boyfriend
My family
The students
Who gave me
Great evaluations
And even put up nice comments about me
On rate my professors dot com

And the parties we threw at my condo
On holidays
For everyone
Who didn't have anywhere else
To go

Eating food
Opening presents
Taking pictures
Full of smiles
And memories
And looking forward
To more
Of the same