Текст песни Shopping Mall Santa - Morris & Rivers

Whadya want for Christmas?
I can promise you the moon
But you know I'm just a helper
And my smoke break's coming soon

On Dasher and on Dander
Have a lolly, catch my drift
Larry will replace me on the
Graveyard reindeer shift

I'm the Colonie Center Santa
Have a jingle freakin day
There's a sack of alimony
In my two-tone plywood sleigh
I'm the Colonie Center Santa
My elves hawk catalogs
I'm the Colonie Center Santa
Ho ho ho
And a carton of nog

I am overqualified
Got an ivy MFA
With a Bachelor's in "go to hell"
I clearly got an 'A'

The supervisor warned me
My cheer was on the wane
So I stabbed him in the femur with
A magnum candy cane

I'm the Colonie Center Santa
Have a jingle freakin day
There's a sack of alimony
In my two-tone plywood sleigh
I'm the Colonie Center Santa
My elves hawk catalogs
I'm the Colonie Center Santa
Ho ho ho
And a carton of nog

Now Timmy wants a scooter
And hunter wants a wrench
Ava wants a blowtorch
I'm pardoning my french

The kids are not the problem
They inherited a mess
Their parents over-precious
Or burnt out from the stress

I'm the Colonie Center Santa
It's a jingle freakin life
Got a sack of gift wrapped goodies
And a package for your wife
I'm the Colonie Center Santa
Toking my north poles
I'm the Colonie Center Santa
Ho ho ho
You're all getting coal

I feel bad for all us Santas
And our helper elves
Giving gifts in double shifts
But never to ourselves

And now the season's over
Gotta crack some ice cold beers
I'll see you all in April...
When i'm wearing bunny ears

I'm the Colonie Center Santa
Have a jingle freakin day
There's a sack of alimony
In my two-tone plywood sleigh
I'm the Colonie Center Santa
My elves hawk catalogs
I'm the Colonie Center Santa
Ho ho ho
And a carton of nog