Monkey

And now it's time for Silly Songs with Larry
The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a Silly Song
Today, Larry and Bob are on a photo safari
Hot on the trail of a monkey, or an ape
We don't know which, hence the song

If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey
Even if it has a monkey kind of shape
If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey
If it doesn't have a tail, it's an ape
If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey
Let's see if we can catch it on the tape
You can barely plainly see it if it's a monkey
If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey, it's an ape!

Look, there it goes, there it goes, I don't know
I can't tell if it's a monkey or an ape
It's very simple, Bob
If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey
If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey, it's an ape!
Now, Larry, I'm not so sure

Ooga-booga, isn't that a monkey?
Booga-looga, maybe it's an ape
If it's a nickel, or a salad, or a pillow
If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey, it's an ape
If it doesn't have a tail
Not a monkey
Are you sure that's what you really mean to say? A camera has no tail
It's not a monkey, if it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey, it's an ape!

I think there's something wrong with your logic, Larry
Well, Bob, the lady at the zoo said it
And who am I to tell her that she's wrong?
If there's a tail, it's a monkey, no tail, ape, it's easy

But, Larry, a kite has a tail
Then it's a monkey
A comet has a tail
Then it's a monkey
A bubble doesn't
Then it's not a monkey, if it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey
(It's an ape?) Exactly, I knew you'll catch on
Larry, we might need to talk about this
I don't think the lady at the zoo meant to say that
Shh, look, there it goes, in the trees, follow me, it's gotta be a monkey or an ape

I can't believe it's true
All this time I've searched for you
Snap the picture, take the shot!
We're among the lucky few
We finally did it, photographer
We've discovered what we're after
Let me look, is it an ape?
Larry, this is a disaster
It's a monkey
Larry, that's a cow, not a-
That was exhilarating! Let's find more!

If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey
Even if it has a monkey kind of a shape
If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey
If it doesn't have a tail, it's not a monkey, it's an ape

This has been Silly Songs with Larry, tune in next time to hear Bob say
Oh, Larry, you don't have a tail
I don't?
No, and neither do I
I wouldn't be so sure about that Bob
What do you mean?
Oh, nothing