Lyrics Kids - Paul Lynde

Kids!
I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!
Kids!
Who can understand anything they say?
Kids!
They are disobedient, disrespectful oafs!
Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy, loafers!
While we're on the subject:
Kids!
You can talk and talk till your face is blue!
Kids!
But they still just do what they want to do!
Why can't they be like we were,
Perfect in every way?
What's the matter with kids today?
Kids!
I've tried to raise you the best I could
Kids!
All the things I've done were for your own good!
Kids!
Can't you once apprecaite how I've sacrificed?
Working, slaving, scrimping saving pennies
And living with your father!
Kids!
No one knows the burdens I've had to bear
(And in my condition)
Kids!
I'm a poor sick woman and does he care? (Ha!)
Go on go on and kill me, that's what it's coming to
When a mother has kids like you!
Kids!
All the chicken soup that I've made for you
(Momma take it easy)
Kids!
Now you throw me out like a worn out show
Not in front of everybody Mom
After all I haven't been such an awful son
I never sass you back or leave a ring around the bathtub
And don't I always phone you?
Kids!
You can give your life to them night and day
Kids!
Then they go get married and go away
Married! Who's gettin' married???
Why do we have these children? Better to have a pet
You know where you stand with the pet
I never asked for nothing, nothing is what you'll get
What's the matther with kids to----
I tried Lou but I failed
Oh you didn't Momma, ya didn't!
Don't try to pay me back Sonny, I forgive ya
So what if your an ingrate? so as long as your happy
I don't want to be happy!
Don't feel guilty! Just make believe I'm old used car!
Junk me! Leave me in the gutter!
Oh I'll never leave you never!
You heard him! Your a witness!
I promise Momma, I never broke a promise to my Momma!
(Good boy)
Why can't they be like Albert? Perfect in every way!
What's the matter with kids?
Yeah, what's the matter with kids?
Nothing's the matter with kids today!