Lyrics I Now Fear Deviance - Shius

Involuntarily hospitalized, I am alone in a locked room
A holding cell for the freaks

Physical symptoms of stress, an apathetic view on life
Cue a hotline calling ambulances heading to my place
Not a choice to be made, just the time to get ready
I am put into a holding cell with screams surrounding me
And the nurses come and go, there's no doctor to be seen
Symptoms worsening as I remain still locked up in a cell
Been some hours now, some guy's been staring me down
Screams resound as all the patients try to prove they're not insane
And I shut my mouth, I hug my knees in the corner
With my back to the wall, I don't feel safe here at all
If I was able to fight it, if I was strong enough to run
I begin to shake as I wish I were anywhere but here

Paranoia, fear, a lack of music!
I am breathless in the corner, killing, killing, killing my screams
All the violence brings, the ones who fight and ones who flee
When the headlights shine on me, I can only freeze
And I hate myself! I hate that I can't fight back
Even when the crisis passes I still cower in fear
When the opening comes, and when I get my chance to flee
I know my feet will not move, as I condemn what's left of me

"Calm down, take some more medicine"
"There is no space in the other wards, and you're unwell"
I look up to the nurse, the hard glint's still in my eyes
If they were really here to help me I would not be locked up
I do not trust in their actions, they have no trust in me
Fed with sedatives I hide away and cry beyond their sight
But I can't scream for help, I always feared the retribution
If I go out of line, I'll be insane in their eyes
What next? More drugs? Or higher security?
With no option to speak, I can only listen
Double-locked metal doors, no explanation or a reason
Concrete walls and plastic windows suffocate me here

Paranoia, fear, a lack of music!
I am breathless in the corner, killing, killing, killing my screams
All the violence brings, the ones who fight and ones who flee
When the headlights shine on me, I can only freeze
And I hate myself! I hate that I can't fight back
Even when the crisis passes I still cower in fear
When the opening comes, and when I get my chance to flee
I know my feet will not move, as I condemn what's left of me

I'm allowed to leave, the doctor's signed I'm good to go
Shaking under my skin, I smile, reading his notes
As I read my new prescription, just a higher dose
I write off the possibility of ever coming back
I pull up my mask, and take a taxi back home
I've been writing this the moment I had given myself a chance
Institutionalized, I now fear deviance
I balance on a thread that they call social normalcy
If I fall, no one can catch me
Yet I'm scared to ask for help, I am scared, I am scared and alone.
So if I get out of here, if I reach the end alive
I will look back on this day and wonder how I survived

Paranoia, fear, a lack of music!
I am breathless in the corner, killing, killing, killing my screams
All the violence brings, the ones who fight and ones who flee
When the headlights shine on me, I can only freeze
And I hate myself! I hate that I can't fight back
Even when the crisis passes I still cower in fear
When the opening comes, and when I get my chance to flee
I know my feet will not move, as I condemn what's left of me

Involuntarily hospitalized
I am alone in a locked room
A holding cell for the freaks
There is no freedom for monsters
There is no use for the weak