Lyrics My Heart Stopped Beating - Shius

I am not dead, but I'm not alive
I traverse a world I hate on my borrowed time, it was a
Failed suicide back in February when my
Heart stopped beating but still I survived
Cause I was tired of my life, sick and alone
And I was weary in a place I could not call my home
So when I drank 2 bottles, each a 100 tablets
I was gonna say goodbye to a world I disowned

In this place that I call my home, I wanna
Say goodbye to a world I've known, because I'm
Sick and tired of life's bullshit
Sick and tired of my bullshit
My heart stopped beating yet I'm still alive
It was in apathy I tried to take my own life
Cause I was tired of a world where I could not cry
And I was tired of the hope that I could never, ever deny

I was in bed when I prepared to die
It was the cries of a friend that made me save my life

I took an Uber and I went into emergency
They took me in almost immediately when I said
I was so sleepy that I couldn't walk around
I was so tired that I couldn't hear the sound of my
Heart monitor, beeping louder than ever
I stayed awake but I slipped, I couldn't move my two lips
Without any last words I closed my eyes and fell asleep

In this place that I call my home, I wanna
Say goodbye to a world I've known, because I'm
Sick and tired of life's bullshit
Sick and tired of my bullshit
My heart stopped beating yet I'm still alive
It was in apathy I tried to take my own life
Cause I was tired of a world where I could not cry
And I was tired of the hope that I could never, ever deny

When I opened my eyes I was awake
There was no one beside me, but the IV and an ache
When I sighed, this wasn't the way I wanted to die
All alone in a world where I am scared to try to live
There was an apathy, still I couldn't feel
No remorse or regret, for the trust that I killed
I was a, living zombie, better off dead
But somehow, still alive - I felt stronger than I'd ever been

Bad days, worse days came after
I was walking through the fire alone, still on my own
I was living in a limbo of trauma that I have known
When I decided to get help for the scars that I have sown
And I am still bleeding, still bent, but now I'm fighting
There are times I wish I'd given up, but I'm still trying
And when I, stop moving forward's the day I die
I won't hesitate to try, I am still not afraid of death

But there are songs to be made, there are people to trust
I've been so busy alive, I don't think that I'll try
To kill myself, not now, hopefully not ever
But the future's unknown, and this won't last forever
So if I try to die again, god knows if I will survive
But there is hope in a life, when I tried to fight
Cause there is apathy, and there's another side to life
At the end of the day, I'm all that I've done right

In this place that I call my home, I wanna
Say goodbye to a world I've known, because I'm
Sick and tired of life's bullshit
Sick and tired of my bullshit
My heart stopped beating yet I'm still alive
It was in apathy I tried to take my own life
Cause I was tired of a world where I could not cry
And I was tired of the hope that I could never, ever deny

I was in hospital beds when I thought of my strife
It was the death of me that brought me back to life