Paycheque

Three days before the semester started
The scheduled writing teacher departed
She got a real writing job
And my mom
Took a nepotistic leap
By suggesting me
As a replacement
To the
Hiring committee

They offered me the job
What else could they do?
I got the textbook
And read it through
Adjusted the syllabus and
Tried doing all the class assignments
Myself
Before I showed up
A day later for the first day
Of class

I wasn't a new teacher
For five years now
I'd been teaching creative arts
At a homeless youth drop-in centre
And at two alternative high schools
For gay, lesbian, transgender
And other kids who wanted
Somewhere else to go
But I only did that a couple days a week
For a few hours
Each day

Pulling myself up from
My puddle of fatigue
The pain in my lymph nodes
Would recede
While I was teaching
Just like I never felt itchy
Even if I had crabs
When I was on the stage
Singing or delivering lines
In reverie or rage
Channeling another moment
Into this moment
Another presence
Into the present

My first bi-monthly cheque
From the university
Was for more money
Than I'd seen
In the last three months combined
And it came at just the right time
The hand-me-down car
From my parents
Had died
And for the first time
They didn't have a new used car
To pass my way

Not that they hadn't help me out
My dad advised me on how to negotiate
Myself into my first new car
And my first new car payments
Added to the mortgage
And the strata fees
And my carefully controlled other living expense

I could have taken out a second mortgage
But now, instead
I could make extra mortgage payments
And it occurred to me that I didn't need keep in touch
With an ex
Who worked for a clothing company
Where he could get free clothes for me
Because I had the height and width of a model

How proud he had seemed to be
Telling his friends
About my measurements
It had made me
Sad and angry
The way he
Looked at me

Suddenly
I could go on first dates
To restaurants
And pay my own way
And then walk away
And not look back
If that's what I wanted to do
Not as if that hadn't been an option before
I knew

But now a date wasn't a date
It was just meeting someone new
And having something to do
And having someone to do it with too
Nothing was leading
Anywhere
Everything was here