Until Now

You were selling Beanie Babies on eBay
I was thinking about my future
You were on a student visa
That we discovered could be upgraded
To a work study visa

If you got a real job
Maybe you'd find a path
To a real work visa
To a green card
And eventually
To American citizenship

Finally you went on an interview
And asked if they would sponsor you
For a work visa
Down the line

They said they would
And then a year and a half later
You walked out
In the middle of your shift
Because the big boss was in town
And you had met with her

You asked about your work visa application
And she said it turned out that they
Wouldn't be able to sponsor you
By the way

Everything spun
In every direction
Not only that
You had debts to pay
(Some to me)
And now you weren't working
You weren't bringing home a cheque
And you told me that you weren't going to go back
To your job
That was out of the question
You were even going to have them
Send your final cheque
In the mail

We checked with an immigration lawyer
And talked about you
Extending your student visa
With a master's degree
But you were as resolutely
Done with school
As you were done with your job
So I cried all night
Imagining what it must be like
To be you right now
And I called my friend
And she went out to breakfast with me
When the sun came up

After I got some sleep
I asked you over and told you
I'd do anything
But stay with you
Here
If you were illegal
But I assured you I'd understand
If you wanted to stay
It's all you've known
Since you were eleven
I just wasn't going to put myself
Through that hell again

It took a couple days
But then you made up your mind
In the way you always did
Done
No matter what anyone would say
No matter what anyone said
And they said a lot
To you
To me
Everyone thought
There must be another way

The Mayor of San Francisco
Had gone rogue
And was handing out marriage certificates
To same-sex couples
And same-sex marriage was legal-actually legal
In Massachusetts
Everyone said

Yes-but that doesn't help in our situation
Immigration rights don't have anything to do
With municipalities or states

Anyway
And even though it wasn't going to make a difference
We made an appointment
On the internet
To get married in San Francisco
And I was surprised
About how excited I started to feel
About it
Everyone was going to come
But then the California Supreme Court
Said otherwise

We set our sights on Canada
Because they would let us
Apply and immigrate together
If we got notarized statements about the veracity
Of our relationship from our friends
And combined our finances

And then I found out
Just how much money
You owed
To credit cards
Because your dad, who had been rich
When he sent you here
Wasn't anymore
And you had to pay your own international student tuition

And even though your dad
Had bought houses for all four of his siblings
In California
You weren't going to ask
You weren't going to beg
For anything from your aunts or uncles

They hadn't given anything back
To your father
When he asked
They just gossiped about his gambling
The needless risks he took
That didn't work out for him
Even if his risks worked out
Pretty nicely for them

You didn't want to talk about it
You didn't want to think about it
It was just too complicated
Pointless
A waste of energy

We thought about you declaring bankruptcy
But didn't know what that might do
To our application to Canada
And we didn't have time to look into all the details
So I just loaded up my low-interest credit cards
With the quickly-doubling
Balances from yours

And I consoled myself
That this wasn't something you'd hid
It wasn't a lie of omission
It just hadn't been
Any of my business
Up until now