Текст песни If It Doesn't Fit, You Must Acquit - TurtleFrogMan

I didn't rob that pizzeria
I didn't do it, no, it wasn't me-a.

I confess that I had the idea
I had a motive and the manager's key-a

If I'm guilty of anything, it's flapping my gums
I had ze verbal diarrhea

I might be going to hell when back our good savior comes
But I didn't rob that pizzeria

From busboy to manager, my career she did rise
I work a-long hours until the job she is done
And I was a really a-good at making a-hot pizza pies
And the boss he treat me like his very own son

After work, one busy night, I made mistake very dumb
With the waitresses, I drank ze wine and ze beer
And we drank until the next morning sunrise she come
And the boss man yell "what are you all doing here!"

He said you no a-manager, you go back to table bussing
I begged him please a don't do this, I make just one little error
But he no listen, he just a-yelling and a-cussing
And I no like it, I think he treat-a me unfair

I didn't rob that pizzeria
I didn't do it, no, it wasn't me-a.

I confess that I had the idea
I had a motive and the manager's key-a

If I'm guilty of anything, it's flapping my gums
I had ze verbal diarrhea

I might be going to hell when back our good savior comes
But I didn't rob that pizzeria

He make me mad, the boss, he such a big phony
He cut my pay and no more benefits medical
So while some cooks and I were spreading pepperoni
We talked about robbing the place, but only hypothetical

But someone overheard and I thought we not joking
They phoned the cops and told the boss what was said
The boss man caught me how you say with gun smoking
He yelled "You fired! And now to me you are dead!"

The next night, I think the devil must have possess me
I remembered I had the manager's key
From head to toe in black the devil did dress me
And I returned to commit robbery

I didn't rob that pizzeria
I didn't do it, no, it wasn't me-a.

I confess that I had the idea
I had a motive and the manager's key-a

If I'm guilty of anything, it's flapping my gums
I had ze verbal diarrhea

I might be going to hell when back our good savior comes
But I didn't rob that pizzeria

I crept to the back door and tried to slide in me key
But I was fortunate and much to my shock
I tried to turn it, back and forth I went vigorously
But The boss was smart, he had changed out the lock

I tried to rob the place but ze fortune had smiled
Thank god that key didn't fit and I failed
And in the end when pros and cons have been both been reconciled
If that key had fit, I'd have been caught and jailed

A few weeks later, the place was robbed by someone else with a key
It was my replacement as he would later admit
Of course I was a suspect in this bold robbery
But if the key don't fit, then a-you must acquit!"

I didn't rob that pizzeria
I didn't do it, no, it wasn't me-a.

I confess that I had the idea
I had a motive and the manager's key-a

If I'm guilty of anything, it's flapping my gums
I had ze verbal diarrhea

I might be going to hell when back our good savior comes
But I didn't rob that pizzeria