Lyrics The Illinois Enema Bandit (1977 Mix/Live) - Frank Zappa

And now folks, it's time for Don Pardo to deliver our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type announcement
Take it away, Don

This is a true story
About a famous criminal from right around Chicago
This is the story of Michael Kenyon
A man who's serving time at this very moment for the crime of armed robbery
It so happens, that at the time of these robberies, Michael decided to give his female victims a little enema
Apparently, there was no law against that
But his name lives on
Michael Kenyon, The Illinois Enema Bandit

The Illinois Enema Bandit, I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women
He'd just be tyin' 'em up
They'd be all bound down

Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
The Illinois Enema Bandit, I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news

Bloomington Illinois, he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
He's got a rubberized bag and a hose on his arm

Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump (yeah-yeah-yeah)

The Illinois Enema Bandit
One day he'll have to pay
Some day he'll have to pay

The police will say, "You're under arrest"
And the judge would have him for a special guest
Then the D.A. will order a secret test
Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest

Then they'll put out a call you
For the jury folks, that's you over there
The judge would say
"No poo-poo jokes"
Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see
Sayin', "Don't nobody, no-no, have no sympathy"
Hot soapy water in the first degree
And then the Bandit might say
"Why is everybody lookin' at me?"

Did you cause this misery?
Well, did you cause this kinda misery?
Well, did you cause this misery?
Well, one girl shout, "Let the Bandit be"
Bandit are you guilty, bandit are you guilty?
Tell me now, what's your plea?
Another girl shout, "Let the fiend go free"

Are you guilty?
Bandit, did you do this deeds?
Come on, now
He said, "It must be just what they all need"
"It must be just what they all need" (that's right)
"It must be just what they all need" (over there)
"It must be just what they all need" (help me out now)
"It must be just what they all need" (that's right)
"It must be just what they all need"

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag full of
The Illinois Enema Bandit juice
He just be, hey
Talkin' bout them Illinois, Illinois
Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana
Ain't talkin' 'bout Po-head-otated, I'll try again
Potato Headed Bobby
Talkin' 'bout the Illinois Enema Bandit, yeah

Wait a minute, this is for Roy Estrada, wherever he is
Wanna-wanna-wannanenema, an enema
Wanna-wanna-wannanenema, an enema
I wanna-wanna-wannanenema

Take it away
The Illinois Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit)
The Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit)
The Enema Bandit
Talkin' bout the Illinois Enema Bandit

It can't happen here
Juice

Alright, alright

Ray White, the assistant Illinois Enema Bandit, live on stage here in New York

That's it, sit right down and make yourselves comfortable