Aunty Maggies Remedy

There's all sorts of medicines that you can buy
No matter what ailment you've got
I know a special one you ought to try
You'll find it's the best of the lot
It's my Auntie Maggie's homemade remedy
It's guaranteed never to fail
That's the stuff that will do the trick
Sold at every chemist's for one-and-a-tick
If you've got lumbago, rheumatics or gout
Or a pain in your Robert E. Lee
Don't kick up a shindy, you'll never get windy
With Auntie Maggie's remedy
I went to the doctor, I wasn't too well
He made me lie on the settee
He said trouble's brewing - you've been overdoing
Your Auntie Maggie's remedy
When the baby starts crying and there isn't a reason
If you inspect him you'll see
The poor little chappie has covered his nappie
With Auntie Maggie's remedy
To a young lady's bedroom I went by mistake
My intentions were honest, you see
She burst out with laughter, I know what you're after
It's me Auntie Maggie's remedy
I know a girl who is putting on weight
In a place where it just shouldn't be
So I said to Nellie, now you rub your - ankle
With Auntie Maggie's remedy