Why Don't Women Like Me?

Now I know I'm not handsome, no good looks or wealth
But the girls I chase say my plain face will compromise their health.
Now I know fellows worse than me bow-legged and boss-eyed
Walking out with lovely women clinging to their side.

Now if women like them like men like those, why don't women like me?
Look at Empress Josephine, the most attractive women that ever was seen,
Yet Napoleon short and fat, captivates a lovely looking dame like that
Now if women like them like men like those - why don't women like me?
Hey, hey, why don't women like me?

Last night I went I out walking, my intentions were to click
But the sights I saw while walking out, they nearly made me sick.
I must admit I saw some girls, attractive little dears
Arm in arm with ugly men with cauliflower ears.

Now if women like them like men like those - why don't women like me?
What can the attraction be, that's the thing that always starts to worry me.
Although I haven't got a bean, I've got a lot of things that girls have never seen.
Now if women like them like men like those - why don't women like me?
Hey, hey, why don't women like me?

Now I went for my holidays down to the gay seaside,
I saw a lot of things there being hidden by the tide.
The way some women jumped around the man there in the sea
Made me think that there is still a good chance left for me.

'Cause if women like them like men like those, why don't women like me
Of all the shapes and sizes there I've got a chance of clicking yet I do declare.
For I don't want to be a nark, I saw a lot of things below the watermark.
Now if women like them like men like those, why don't women like me?
Hey, hey - why don't women like me?

Now if women like them like men like those, why don't women like me?
Take Lord Nelson with one limb, Lady William Hamilton she fell for him.
With one eye and one arm gone west, she ran like the devil and she grabbed the rest.
Now if women like them like men like those, why don't women like me?
Hey, hey - why don't women like me?