Текст песни Daddy's Got His CPAP On - TurtleFrogMan

She struck with me a pillow and she punched me on the head
I woke up and I cried out loudly "ouch!"
She said, "you snore so loudly you might even wake the dead
Take your pillow with you to the couch"

And this was not a rare occurrence, my couch and I became buddies
A circumstance of which I was not keen
And so I sought the sage advice of an expert in sleep studies
And he fitted me with a continuous positive airway pressure machine

A continuous positive airway pressure machine is known as a CPAP
There's a mask and some long tubes and hoses attached to your head
They're clumsy and obtrusive, I'd rather take a swift kick to the knee cap
Then to fall asleep somewhat reluctantly wearing this big apparatus to bed

I could have built a cabin with the logs that I was sawin'
But now any hope of having sex is obviously gone
Cause Daddy's got his CPAP on.

I'm clearly not a handsome man and I know I'm no great lover
I've never been attractive but could at least pass as mammalian
But when I put my CPAP on, my wife starts laughing and my dog runs for cover
With the mask and the hoses and tubes, I look like an alien

Sexual attraction is both fragile and illusive
You should keep up your appearances, try to keep your "je ne sais quoi".
But a CPAP device with its mask and its hoses is not at all conducive
To having what people in Paris often refer to as Ooh La La

I could have built a cabin with the logs that I was sawin'
But now any hope of having sex is obviously gone
Cause Daddy's got his CPAP on.

In Scotland, they embrace old age, they don't seem to have an aversion to that
You're serenaded loudly by a group of kilted bag pipers
A CPAP machine is kind of the same, its a middle class American version of that
It's two steps away from death, one step away from wearing adult diapers

I wear my CPAP every night and its really cut down on my snoring
And its been a relief for my very long suffering spouse
And while our bedroom activity's practically nil, you could only describe it as boring
There's 24 hours in every day and there's many more rooms in our house!

I could have built a cabin with the logs that I was sawin'
But now any hope of having sex is obviously gone
Cause Daddy's got his CPAP on.